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Fetlife [Jun. 14th, 2014|09:38 am]
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I am on Fetlife daily, or almost daily.

I still think of LJ as a place to really write, or post articles or reference material on my fetishes or perv life, it's just that mostly I haven't had anything new to share or write about, that I haven't already mentioned.

Just a few small things since I last posted anything...

I found that the sex.com website is a little like a kinky fetish version of Pinterest. For my favorite fetish, http://www.sex.com/all/cuckold/

I also regularly look at, 'like', and add as friends people into the fetishes I like on flickr.

My marriage is still a sexless marriage. I have internalized it and rationalized it to the point I am mostly okay with it. Really.

I think of my wife as a eunuch zero-sex-drive room mate. An entity that has no interest in sex, no sex drive. I state that factually, not with any strong emotion. So, when one realizes that the other person is sexless, with themselves as well as with others, a lot of the angry/frustration/bitterness fades away.

So, once all, well... or most of, the angry/frustration/bitterness is gone, then Acceptance, or mostly Acceptance. I am okay with it, mostly. It's just like if I had a 'normal' roommate that had kids.

I am sure if I had a room mate, I would still 'service myself' all the time, due to my sex drive. Don't misunderstand, if I could have a partner that is into the kinky sex I like, it would be better than what I have now, but my Commitment for my kids sake still holds. It is just that it made no sense to hold on to strong negative feelings, as the only one being hurt by it was me to myself.

I am ready to initiate a divorce. I have role-played to myself living in a tiny studio apartment, or renting a room. Of 'can I live on half my current income, if I had to give the other half in alimony and/or child support.' It seems I could. I am ready. I am waiting, with no feeling of urgency or any strong negative emotions, for my children to reach a level of maturity, and growth, to the point I think they would be okay without having wife and I in the same house to provide for them. (Okay, if I let a little negativity to creep in: I am waiting until I think that, if worst case they lived with their Mother most of the time, and I only got to be with them weekends, that she couldn't screw them up, she wouldn't self-harm herself, that would traumatize them, that they could mostly take care of themselves for going to school, homework, interacting with the world, them being able to have a strong sense of self to stand up to their Mother when their own mental health required it).

Well, this was a bit more writing than I thought I'd do, but still think it says, basically, mostly "nothing new to share."